I know that what I am trying to teach you is abstract, so I paint abstraction to express it. I also know that once I truly believe in what I am saying, the shift will happen. I know that I planned this challenge for myself, that I chose to go through it. I know that if I convince myself that love is real, I will heal.

I may not be alive to spread my message, but my art will remain. It will tell the story of my life. I have to come to terms with the possibility that I may die soon, that I might be sick with cancer. These thoughts flood my mind:

Does Reiki really work? Can I truly heal myself? Is my art about nothing, or does it carry a message I have yet to fully understand? Does energy really exist? Is there really a God? Am I just a hologram, dreaming? Am I really supposed to start an art movement? How do I even do that? Is the world truly a reflection of my consciousness?

What is the meaning of life? Is it to have children, to pass a piece of myself forward? Is there really a force trying to destroy our world? Is my faith the issue—does it really matter what I feel and think? What is the lesson I am meant to learn?

When faced with the reality that I may die, instead of giving up, I have realized I have nothing to lose. I am finally being honest with everyone about my mission. But I don’t know how to do it. I don’t know what to write or say. It feels like no one is listening, like nobody cares. So why do I keep posting?

Photo: Grade 10 Communication and Design Class Age 14/15, 1993/1994 at Sacred Heart Catholic High School, Newmarket, Ontario, Canada.

I painted my first mural on the wall behind the Slik Screen 4-color press, made my first prints there, and created my first designs in CorelDRAW. One of my instructors was Bahá’í, and during their class, I received my first download: the realization that the 10th manifestation of God is each person unto themselves. My Ph.D. thesis, 10n3 “One”, explores this concept—once I become the 10th manifestation of God, I become one with God.